HERE ARE SOME OF THE BEST 'ONE-LINERS' AROUND & some of the lamest........:-)

• I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen.

• A friend in need is a pest indeed.

• Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.

• Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.

• When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane.

• The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train..

• Born free, taxed to death.

• Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

• Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.

• Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.

• If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.

• It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.

• I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork.

• A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.

• The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.

• The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.

• In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?

• If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?

• Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!

• If you can't convince them, confuse them.

• It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.

• I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

• Hot glass looks same as cold glass. - Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers

• The cigarette does the smoking, you are just the sucker.

• Someday is not a day of the week

• Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

• To Err is human, to forgive is not a Company policy.

• The road to success.... Is always under construction.

• Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.

• In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.

..and here's the best of the lot

• All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive, fattening or married/hooked to someone else

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